Meeting yourself

nowhere to go but forward

The day arrives,

When your old hiding place disappears into the woodwork.

You seek for it in the familiar spot, but the opening no longer exists.

The day arrives,

When the road to retreat is barricaded,

When you come face to face with the terror, the rage, the grief you’ve been running from

And your running takes you to a dead stop, face to face with the sheer stone wall of a canyon.

The day arrives,

When the numbing drugs, the distractions, the passive friendship of salty, creamy or sweet, no longer ease your pain.

How to bear the unbearable without these familiar remedies?

Seek a witness and loving presence – a friend, animal companion, a mountain, a tree, a river—

And allow the rage, the hurt, the sorrow, to pour out, to sound out, to release through stomp and wail, let them resonate into space..

Go ahead, break some sticks, hard, against a rock,

Safely smash some old dishes or bottles.

Hitting a pillow may be gentler on your hands.

If it’s too scary, do it with a loving witness present.

When you’ve moved enough, you will feel done, tired.

Then ask the wind to carry it off, the earth to compost it, the fire to transmute it, the waters to wash it away…

It’s time to be ugly.

It’s time to rant and dance and ugly cry. To flail and release your obedience to anything but your wild true self.

Go ahead,

Grimace at the Demon, mock the voices that would mute you.

Turn your volume up, slowly, from Unspoken to Roar...play the music that is in you.

When it’s time, then, settle it back down into Utter Quiet,

The stillness that follows full expression.

Sink into peace like your feet into moist moss.

Rest, Dream. Be.

Then find and take the arm of the Companion, the Love, and walk bravely, boldly, at your pace, in your rhythm, calmly, certainly.

If you find you are not ready yet, pause and seek solace. Your Companion is patient and lovingly holds the space for your release.

She will wait for you till you are ready again to walk the good red road.

Whatever you do, whenever you are ready, continue on,

But do not go silently, back into that dark night

Where you disappear yourself.

Let the hum of your living expression buzz and rumble through your bones

Let the waters of compassion wet your dry lips and slake your soul’s thirst.

Remember who walks beside you always.

Remember that someone who carried you--and carries you still--when you can no longer take a step,

Remember the light, the purity, the goodness and power that moves through your veins,

That living force within each cell, the light extending out from your being,

Below. above and radiating in all directions.